


Transmogrified

by donutsweeper



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Crack, Dialogue-Only, Fluff and Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-11-30 17:41:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11468460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donutsweeper/pseuds/donutsweeper
Summary: John and Sherlock and a transmogrification device. A trilogy.Or, the time John and Sherlock are accidentally turned into cats, the time Sherlock turns John, and then himself, into cats as an experiment, and the time Sherlock couldn't leave well enough alone.





	1. Transmogrification

**Author's Note:**

  * For [capt_facepalm](https://archiveofourown.org/users/capt_facepalm/gifts).



> All three chapters written for different [](https://watsons-woes.dreamwidth.org/profile)[](https://watsons-woes.dreamwidth.org/)**watsons_woes** challenges. Chapter one originally posted 21 Jul 2012 (for the prompt "Look directly to your right. The first object you see is your prompt, to use as you see fit.") which happened to be two sleeping cats, chapter two was originally posted 1 Jul 2013 (for the picture prompt of two cats under an umbrella) and chapter three was written for the 10 Jul 2017 prompt "Close your eyes. Turn to your left and open them. Now incorporate the third item you looked at into today's work." which happened to be one the same cats from the first prompt so.....

"Sherlock."

"Not now, John."

_"Sherlock."_

"Not _now_ , John."

_"Sherlock!"_

"What _is_ it, John? What is _so_ important that you must keep blathering on incessantly?"

"What is so- what is _so_ important? We are cats, Sherlock! We have been transformed into cats!"

"I am well aware of that fact, John. I am also aware, as you are as well, that Mycroft has sworn the effects are temporary and we will be back to our usual selves within forty-eight hours. What. What are you doing?"

"I'm cleaning your ear."

"Why?"

"The fur around it's a complete mess. Do you... want me to stop?"

"No, you may continue if you so wish. The sensation is not entirely unpleasant." 

"So what are we going to do for the next two days while we're stuck being cats?"

"The conclusion of my previous examinations of the feline persuasion was that they seem to spend an inordinate amount of time sleeping, eating and sitting in sunbeams."

"That doesn't sound too bad, but, I have to ask, why were you studying cats?"

"I was bored, why else?"

"Why else indeed. Now, budge over."

"Budge. What. John?"

"I'm done with your ear. I want to sleep now so move over. Never mind, I'll just lay here."

"But."

"If you'd stop squirming you'd actually be pretty comfortable."

"But."

"Sleep, Sherlock."

"But........"

*zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz*


	2. Transmogrification

"John."

"Not now, Sherlock."

"John?"

"No."

"What do you mean, 'no'?"

"I mean I'm not talking to you."

"But you are talking to me. You're talking to me right now."

"Fine! After I am done explaining the fact that I am not talking to you _then_ I will not be talking to you."

"That implies you will give reason as to why you aren't talking to me and you haven't done that."

"Reason. Reason? You want a reason? We are cats, Sherlock. Cats. Again!"

"I fail to see how this has come to a surprise to you. I did inform you that I would be performing an experiment today."

"An experiment, yes. You're always doing experiments, but you didn't say anything about this one involving Mycroft's transmogrification device, did you?"

"I assumed it was implied."

"Implied? How on earth could it have been implied? How could 'John, you may go to bed if you wish, but I'll be staying up drawing up the parameters of my newest experiment' translate into 'by the way, when you wake up you're going to be a cat?' I went to bed as a man and now I'm a cat, Sherlock!"

"Yes, I am aware of that. I took copious notes of your first six hours after transformation."

"Wait. Wait, wait, wait. You transformed me first?"

"Yes, as I just stated."

"So I'll be turning back before you?"

"Exactly."

"Oh. Well, all right. That's different then."

"Good, I knew you'd see reason. Although, I don't I understand what you are implying, what's different? John? What is that expression on your face? Are you smirking? Cats can smirk?"

"Yes, I believe they can. And as for why I am doing so, well, you'll just have to wait and see."

"Wait and see.... I'm not sure I like the sound of that."

"Oh, nothing to worry about. I'm sure you won't mind."

"I realize it might have been prudent to seek your permission before using the device, but that might have affected the outcome and I needed to have a control as well as an test subject. Surely even someone of your intellect can see that. No offence." 

"Oh, none taken. I fully and completely understand the need for a test subject to be unaware of certain things to ensure accuracy."

"Good. That's settled then."

"Yes. Yes, it is."

"Then why are you still smirking? John? John?"


	3. Transmogrifying

"Sherlock?"

"Yes, John?"

"I could have sworn we'd talked about this, Sherlock."

"Talked about what? Exactly what is it are you referring to?"

"Don't pull that shit with me, Sherlock, you know exactly what I'm referring to."

"That is not remotely true, you could be referring to many things and I am just trying to clarify matters as you know how I hate to be imprecise about anything."

"Oh yeah, and what are the 'many things' you think I could be talking about here?"

"Well, there is the stain on the carpet, a tear in the sofa, fingers in the freezer, the—"

"Wait a minute, fingers in the freezer? Sherlock! We talked about you bringing body parts into the flat! You agreed. No. You are not going to distract me. Keep going with your list."

"Ah, yes, as I was saying, there is the stain on the carpet, a tear in the sofa, fingers in the freezer, barium in the butter dish and the minor, tiny, practically inconsequential detail that I might have been working on rebuilding Mycroft's transmogrification device and, when I happened to finish with said rebuilding a few hours ago, I felt it was important to test it to see if it would function to its previous parameters."

"I see. And out of that lovely little list, which item do you think I might be upset about?"

"It would be difficult, not to mention presumptuous of me, to even attempt to… Are you hissing at me?"

"Yes. Yes, Sherlock I _am_ hissing at you. Because I am a _cat_. Again. Because _you_ chose to muck about with transmogrification. Again. Despite your promises. Despite the dismantling of the device. Despite our previous talks on the matter. And, last but not least, despite what happened after the last time you transmogrified me without my permission. You do remember what happened last time, don't you?"

"Now, John, there is no need—"

"No need? I am a _cat_ , Sherlock!"

"Yes, well. I do concede that perhaps I got a little carried away, but the technology is so fascinating! Even someone like you must see that."

"Even someone like me? You mean someone who was a rugby player? Someone who was a soldier and trained to fight with just their fists or to turn whatever they could get their hands on into weapons? Someone who now has five beautiful, sharp claws on each paw?"

"...That was not what I had intended to imply. What are you doing? John, why is your tail and rear swishing back and forth like that?"

"We're going to play a game, Sherlock."

"I don't particularly like games."

"Oh, you'll like this one. It's called 'pounce.' Ready?"

"No."

"Tough. On three. One. Two…."


End file.
